Bedtime and Daily Routine Activities for Babies, Toddlers and Young Children
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It's Time To Go To Bed
Put an end to the nightly bedtime struggle with your child

If you have a child, chances are good that his or her bedtime brings on feelings of struggle, frustration, exhaustion and maybe even relief when it's all done. Try telling your child that he or she needs to go to bed at 8 p.m., and you will likely get either a blank stare or a temper tantrum. In either case you are lucky if your child is actually in bed at that time.

You're not far off if you feel that nature is preventing you from getting your child onto a schedule. Studies have proven that toddlers and small children do not understand “schedule” as a word or concept. To make matters worse, as children continue to grow and become more aware of their surroundings, there are more and more distractions to keep them up at night. They simply do not want to go to bed for fear of missing something. You may find that your child often stalls while getting ready for bed by asking for water, kisses, hugs and more books.

With all of these things working against you as a parent, how are you supposed to fix the problem? To be sure, an entire industry exists to help you with this problem. There is no shortage of books and experts with theories, programs and solutions promising to help get your child to sleep. You may have tried one or two of these solutions with varying degrees of success. What is the secret behind the programs that work, and how can you make that secret work for you?

You'll be happy to know that the same science that has shown that children do not understand schedules has given us insight into what does work for children, and it is this insight on which successful solutions are built:

  1. Structure – Children crave it. How do you feel when your house or office is in disarray? That is the same way your child feels when he or she does not have a set of rules and limits within which to live. Structure gives your child the reassurance of knowing what is expected of them and what comes next in their day. Your child will thrive in a structured environment because he or she can experience their world with the reassurance of knowing the limits within which they can explore. In fact, children who grow up without structure and boundaries often become difficult to manage as they grow older.

  2. Consistency – It's essential to you and your child. Science has shown that everyone benefits from consistency. It's not enough to be structured for one or two days per week. Think about how you feel the next day when you go to sleep 2 hours late the night before. This is the same way your child feels when they do not have consistency in their bedtime, and it is why your child needs consistency throughout the week in order to reach a mental, emotional and physical level of comfort that allows them to thrive.
So even though your child doesn't understand that they need to be in bed by 8 p.m., you can still accomplish your goal through structure and consistency, or in other words, consistent structure. Routines are the tools through which you can create consistent structure for your child. The scientific definition of a routine is "a repeated action that generates an organized pattern of responses." By establishing a consistent bedtime routine for your child, you are leading them down a familiar path every day, moving from one activity to another and eventually arriving at bedtime. The familiarity of each activity will begin to provide a sense of comfort to your child as he or she can start anticipating each step along the way. You will find that your child actually looks forward to and enjoys completing each step in their routine.

A successful bedtime routine is dependent on every adult involved in the routine (e.g. parents, grandparents, nannies, etc.) agreeing on its structure and timing. Agreement between adults will help ensure that the routine is implemented consistently every evening. If a 6:30 p.m. bath time doesn't work for one of the adults, then it is likely that bath time will not occur on time every night.

Your child's bedtime routine can start as late as 30 minutes before going to bed. Children need to know when it's almost time for their routine, so let them know around 10 minutes before you start. This will let them mentally prepare for the routine. A bedtime routine may include: bathing, brushing teeth, reading stories, listening to music, praying, taking medicine, cuddling and talking.

While there is no one perfect routine for every person, a simple routine from which you can build your child's routine is as follows:

7:30 p.m. Take Bath
7:40 p.m. Put on Pajamas / Brush Teeth
7:45 p.m. Read Stories
7:55 p.m. Say Prayers
8:00 p.m. Go To Bed

Adjust the times and activities as necessary to fit your family's needs and schedule. It is also important to remember that your evening does not start with your bedtime routine. Eating dinner and performing other activities at the same time every night will also help your child prepare for bedtime.

Once you have determined what times and activities your child's bedtime routine should follow, you will need to introduce the routine to your child.
Although many books and resources may recommend verbally communicating your child's routine to them, it is a scientifically-proven fact that children learn best through images. In fact, by laying your child's routine out in a visual manner, you are helping them quickly learn their routine and anticipate what activities they are expected to complete. This further reinforces the routine's structure, encouraging them to embrace and take ownership of their routine. You will be amazed at how easily your child learns and follows a consistent routine when it is presented properly to them.

In the end, the most important ingredient for a great bedtime experience is creating structure and consistency for your child through a consistent bedtime routine. Create a routine that fits your family's needs, introduce it to your child in a way they can see and understand, and you will be on your way from "dreadtime" to bedtime.

- Rebeca Matos, PhD

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